Part 16 (1/2)

Shrugging, Amy pushed through a groups of excited Dutch rowers. ”I don't know. I'm gonna head over that way,” she said, pointing. ”You try over there. Call me if you find her so I'm not doing this all night.”

”Got it. And Amy?” Laura tugged Amy back. ”Thanks. You're a good friend.”

Amy just grinned and waved as she moved around the back of where the U.S. team was laughing and taking photos. Maybe she'd get lucky and spot Ca.s.s here. Or better yet, maybe Laura would get lucky...all around.

Chapter Forty-Two.

Edging around a group of Irish and Swiss team members, Ca.s.s spotted Sheila near the media booth. As much as she didn't want to go near the cameras, Ca.s.s wanted a moment with her coach. More, she wanted an escape. She stepped into Sheila's line of sight and waited until the bright light of the camera snapped off before stepping forward.

”Coach?”

Sheila smiled and wrapped an arm around Ca.s.s's shoulders, steering them both away from the cameras. ”Hey.” She nodded toward the medal. ”Great job, you know. I know I said it before, but...”

Ca.s.s lifted a hand to the disc and then looked up at Sheila. ”Thanks. And...thanks, you know? I, literally, wouldn't have this if you hadn't-”

Sheila stopped them both at the edge of the crowd. ”Ca.s.s, you are a terrific athlete and a welcome member of our team. I am never happy when a team member is injured, but I will be forever grateful that it was you we called.”

Ca.s.s could only nod as she fought to keep her voice steady. ”I...you'll never know Coach, just how much it meant to me that you included me on the team.”

”I have some idea.” Sheila wrapped her arms around Ca.s.s and gave her a hug. ”So, what'd you need to see me for?”

Swallowing, Ca.s.s struggled for words. ”I...can I get someone to take me back?”

”Are you okay?” Sheila tipped her head and looked closer.

”Yeah...” Ca.s.s offered a weak smile. She was overwhelmed, really. First the ceremony, then watching Laura get her medal and realizing just how much she wanted to celebrate with her. Just with her. To share in their success together. To share more than that. She wanted her in ways she'd never wanted anyone, and then to see her wrapped in someone else's arms... Despite her determination, Ca.s.s's eyes filled with tears.

”Ca.s.s, what's going on?”

Gritting her teeth, Ca.s.s just shook her head. This was her problem, her issue. On a day when she should be celebrating her highest achievement, she wanted nothing more than to curl up in her bed and cry. She felt as if her heart were breaking. She couldn't get the image of Laura wrapped in the other woman's arms out of her head. How could she have been so stupid? So naive?

”Ca.s.s.” Sheila's voice was soft, and she looked up to see that Sheila had led her around the back of the stands to where the vans waited. ”Talk to me. What's going on?”

”I...it's okay, Coach. I'm just...overwhelmed, I think.” She lifted her head and met Sheila's gaze steadily, hoping to convince her coach that she was good.

After a moment Sheila nodded. ”I'll hunt up Karen and have her run you back. Wait here.”

Sheila strode off, leaving Ca.s.s alone by the team van. She dipped her head and then slowly lifted the s.h.i.+ning medal off her neck. Running her fingers along the finely woven red silk ribbon, she took a moment to steady herself. Get a grip, Ca.s.s. You've got a gold medal. You are not just an Olympian, but an Olympic champion. Closing her eyes, she let herself remember that s.h.i.+ning moment when she and Sarah realized that they'd won. The thrill that had run through her. A thrill matched only by- ”Ca.s.s?”

Eyes still closed, Ca.s.s froze. The one person she'd wanted to see most in the world only a short time ago...the one person now she was trying desperately to get away from. She felt Laura move closer and held her breath, some vestige of childish determination filling her, telling her that if she didn't open her eyes, didn't breathe, Laura wouldn't see her. She wouldn't have to look up into those depthless green eyes.

A warm hand settled on her forearm and the illusion was shattered. Ca.s.s blinked and then forced a small smile. ”Oh, hey! Uh, Laura.” She glanced past Laura, hoping that the tall Australian wasn't anywhere nearby.

Laura chuckled, her smile cautious. ”Yeah. Laura Kelley. Remember me? I picked you up at the airport? Was rude to you?” Laura glanced around, then down again at Ca.s.s. ”We shared a hug a week or so back? Ring a bell?” Laura turned and looked over her shoulder, then back at Ca.s.s. ”Who're you looking for?”

”Um, n.o.body.” Fl.u.s.tered, she looked anywhere but at Laura's face. ”I'm sorry, it's just that, well...” Ca.s.s stopped and looked away. ”I haven't seen you, you even moved your bed back to your room, and...” Ca.s.s trailed off uncertainly, suddenly angry with herself. She sounded like a sad little girl and hated that. Determinedly, she took a deep breath and for the first time, looked directly into Laura's eyes. ”I, um, got your note.” At Laura's look of confusion, she explained. ”That day, the day of the race. I got your note. It meant a lot to me.”

”I'm glad.”

Laura stepped closer and Ca.s.s's heart stuttered. She looked again over Laura's shoulder, this time desperately hoping to spot Sheila. She was afraid her feelings were there for all the world to see and she needed to get away. Desperate to sound normal, she searched for something, anything to say. ”I wanted to...well, we haven't had five minutes together and I wanted to say congratulations on your win.”

”Thanks.” Laura looked away and then back again. She gestured vaguely over her shoulder and said, ”Listen. About, uh, Abby-”

”Oh, was that her name?” Ca.s.s asked hastily, thankful for the growing darkness that hid her rising flush. ”Yeah. I'm sorry, I'm sure you want to get back to her. Anyway, uh, well, great job. I'll see you around.” She turned and quickly stepped away from the van. She'd find another way back. ”Hey!” Ca.s.s stopped and looked back at the sound of Laura's voice. The announcer was saying something to the crowd on the waterfront and Ca.s.s wasn't certain Laura had spoken.

”Hey,” Laura said again, this time in a softer voice as she strode over to where Ca.s.s stood. ”What's going on?”

”What do you mean?”

”I mean-” She stopped and then simply tilted her head and gazed at Ca.s.s, her expression imploring. After a long moment she ran a frustrated hand through her hair and then shrugged, clearly at a loss for words.

Ca.s.s tried not to notice that the light hit those auburn curls and made them glow. She tightened her fingers into fists as, against her will, the memory of how soft those curls were flashed across her mind. She watched Laura struggle for words and then realized the absurdity of the moment. She'd spent weeks getting to know this woman, falling for her when she should have been focused on her own preparations. Then she'd been depressed beyond all logical reason the past couple of days when it became clear that Laura was avoiding her. And now here she was, in front of her, and Ca.s.s's first instinct was to run away.

Laura shoved her hands into the pockets of her shorts. She peered at Ca.s.s and then said, ”Ca.s.s, I...I want you to know that I want this. But I'm...I need a little time. Can you give me that?”

For the third time that evening Ca.s.s felt her heart stutter to a halt. Felt the sickening swoop in her belly and felt a warmth wash over her. ”You want...what, Laura?” After the emotional roller-coaster of the past few weeks, she needed to hear it out loud.

Laura frowned and then s.h.i.+fted, her shoulders hunched. She reminded Ca.s.s of a teenager about to be punished. After a moment, Laura looked up. ”I didn't imagine it, did I? I thought we... I felt like we connected, Ca.s.s. I want...I really want to explore that. But...” She trailed off and her gaze dropped to the medal hanging once again around Ca.s.s's neck. She looked from the gold to the silver around her own neck and blew out a slow breath. ”I don't know how to...to get past it.”

”What?” Ca.s.s couldn't help herself. When Laura hurt, she hurt, and she had to do something about that. Couldn't not do something. Laying a hand on Laura's arm, she gave it a little shake. ”Get past what?”

”I cost us the gold.” She whispered, her voice awash in pain. ”We... if we hadn't had to do the repechage. Because of Sh.e.l.ly and her G.o.dd.a.m.ned interference, we had to race a third race. And...G.o.d, it kills me. We had to race again and it was too much. You almost lost your chance too. Because of me. Of...her.”

”Laura, you can't...you aren't responsible for this, you know.” Ca.s.s grasped Laura's silver medal and gave it a tug. ”Or, I guess, you are. You and your crew just won a silver medal! How can that mean failure?” Dropping the medal, Ca.s.s stepped back. ”G.o.d, you expect so much from yourself. You're not responsible for the world, you know. Just you.”

Taking a deep breath, Ca.s.s plunged on, knowing that she might be pus.h.i.+ng too far. ”You have to learn how to let this stuff go, Laura, or...I don't know the 'or,' but...you just have to. You are not responsible for any of it. Brenda's death, and G.o.d knows it was tragic, was not your fault. Your sh.e.l.l's sabotage, the hearing about me, none of it was you. Having met...Sh.e.l.ly,” and Ca.s.s couldn't keep the anger and revulsion she felt from her voice, ”I'm amazed that you're as whole as you are. Look at her! She's damaged, Laura, and she's damaging you. Everything she touches is blackened by...oh, I'm sure evil is too strong a word, but the woman is unbalanced. And you're letting her unbalance you, even now.”

Laura turned her stricken gaze to Ca.s.s and it took everything in her to not reach forward and wrap Laura in her arms. As much as she wanted to, she wouldn't. Laura had asked for time, and, as much as she wanted what she wanted now, she had to step back. Give Laura what she needed. She reached up and laid a gentle hand on Laura's face, her thumb gently caressing her cheekbone, her fingers sliding back into the silken auburn hair. ”Please don't get me wrong. I want to explore what we might have too. But...you need to be sure of what you want. I need you to be sure.”

Ca.s.s took a deep breath and stepped back, her hand dropping from Laura's warm skin. She immediately felt the loss and her fingers tingled from the touch. ”You asked for time. Okay...When you're ready, come find me.”

It took everything she had to turn and walk away, knowing she was leaving Laura in pain.

Chapter Forty-Three.

Ca.s.s spun around, letting the almost primal rhythm of the drums carry her where they would through the crowd. Around her, in the flickering semidarkness of the stadium, thousands of other athletes were dancing, swaying, shouting and singing to the music. Ca.s.s knew most of those around her couldn't understand a word of what the singers were saying, but right here, right now, the words did not matter. Their spirits were singing. Rejoicing really, in the moment; reveling in the freedom and the high of the post-adrenaline rush that follows the Olympic Games.

Flashes of red, green, gold and black and every shade in between danced past them as smiling athletes b.u.mped and jostled each other in their celebration of a Games well ended. Oh, there had been moments. Profound moments, sad moments, even outrageous moments over the last seventeen days. But, when all was said and done, those moments were now forever lost in time, left to verbose commentators to wax philosophical over in their wrap-up commentary.

By her side, gyrating madly to the music, was Amy. Arms waving, hair flying as if she did not have a care in the world, Amy danced as if her feet were on fire. The drummers' cadence increased, as did the frenzy of movement around her, bringing her back to her surroundings. Ca.s.s briefly lost sight of Amy in the undulating crowd, but could see the other members of the U.S. team around her. Faces she was coming to know and some she'd still like to know better.

”This is amazing!” Amy's breathless laughter was contagious.